I think we all, as women, have that moment we are treated like a slut and made to feel like meat or an object. It happens quite often and very rarely does it make us feel special or beautiful. Is that how men think it makes us feel? Do they mean to be demeaning?
Just know that all you had to say was, “You look nice today.”
And I would have smiled.
And I wouldn’t have been a bitch and you wouldn’t have altered my day in such a negative way.
I would have smiled.
I would have said, “Thank you.”
~Laura A Lord (I’m the Slut in the Grocery Store)
Have you ever been made to feel like a slut because of something pretty you wearing? Here is one of my stories.
THE TAMALE MAN
I finally fit into the pants
I bought a month ago
I feel classy in them, pretty
I am at work, working
I am alone, working
I am content, working
Then you knocked on the door
The boys love you, I knew you
You are the tamale man
With the best tamales around
Your wife, or your sister
Or it’s your mom that makes them
It doesn’t matter though
We buy them, once a week
And the boys devour them
But this time it was just me
You stood there waiting for me
Tamales in hand, smile on your face
I unlocked the door and let you in
I turned to go to my office
I needed to pay you, hold on
I’ll be right back…
But you followed me
Questions flew at me,
Are you married? Yes
Are you happy? Yes
Do you have kids? Yes
Are you alone here? Ummm
Ok that question scared me
Ummm…no… I am not
Well I am…uh…
But only for a second
He stood in my door way
I handed him the money
“You look good!” he said
“Thanks” I quickly said
“Thanks for the tamales”
OMG he isn’t moving
He reaches out to hug me
As I reach for the tamales
One arm wrapped around me
I try to get passed the door
“You smell good!” he said
He wouldn’t budge
He smelled like sweat
Holy shit
My stomach fell… adrenaline
“Ummm ok” I snatched the tamales
From his other hand and pushed by
“The guys will be back in a minute”
He just stood there…
I walked toward the door
I opened it and stood outside
A car pulled into the parking lot
Not one I knew but it didn’t matter
The tamale man was leaving
The car that pulled in didn’t stay
They must have been lost
They just turned around
Thank you God
Best timing ever
I locked myself inside
I called one of the boys
Broke down in tears
The next time he showed up
The boys met him outside
He never showed up again
I don’t know what would have happened but it scared me. I realized I have trouble being too nice even in the worst situations. I never want to hurt anyone or make them feel bad. I don’t want to jump to conclusions or believe anyone is bad. But, I felt in my gut that it was about to get bad and I have learned to trust my gut. Regardless of what his intention was, his behavior was bad. Like Laura I felt like a slut, like I deserved it because of what I wore. I went home and gave those pants away. It is a shameful feeling to be made to feel like a piece of meat.
HASTYWORDS 
Scary nonetheless. Good thing you are aware.
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OMG, Hasty – nothing WE ever do, or wear, or say – gives men reasons to mistreat us.
That’s rape culture thinking. You MUST know that. You are a beautiful woman with a gorgeous figure. That doesn’t mean that you bring any of this on yourself.
My heart goes out to you, that day. And for any day you ever think you bring this on yourself. That was the shame I experienced in college. I was young, so I didn’t know any better.
I know better now.
the most love,
S
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you we could help this time i’m here to stay darling! Best tell him truth until understands we’ll do same, you know what i mean… How they understand we both been playing in time two different ways…
i love you as always its me me me, then step and set it right… So there no getting the wrong idea!
true or false?
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that best thing one can do me ignore or stop answering caught in word of delusion….
lost but found only a moment in time…
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How kind of you, maybe its not such a good idea we communicate?
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Yes , you are so right, but i like my delusion.
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1. I can’t imagine you 60 pounds lighter. Yikes!
2. I hate that the idea of getting unwanted attention makes you sabotage your weight.
3. Some men DO need to learn respect. BUT – there are good men in our lives. Thank God.
I have met some incredible men right here in the blogosphere, who treat me with so much respect and never cross boundaries.
And the world will be a better place because those men will be setting the right examples for their sons.
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He was EXACTLY who I was thinking of.
Yes.
We’re simpatico, you and me.
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i had wrote something and it disappeared, now its probably my own fault, must time it is, may have somebody protect me in some or not look like a fool…
No matter, i’m learn to leave it this now iithink done twiss..
Hasty does he know have been looking or does sage know? Some how said one thing but i know it was not true..
We our soul mattes have long than you now realize i’ve be blessed with a rebirth not knowing!
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I understand this fear. I hate that you gave the pants away, but I get it. I do. I’m so sorry this happened, that this happens at all. We don’t deserve it, and nothing we do, or say, or wear, or think, makes us deserving of it. I love you. I hope it felt good to get this out.
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I’m so sorry, Hasty. ((hugs))
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This reminds me a little bit of Cimmorene telling me about when she sold paletas. She said a lot of the guys called her Guapa, as in, “Ay, Guapa!” (“Hey, pretty lady!”) and I’ve often lovingly teased her about that, although I usually call her “mi vida” or “querida” (dearie) most of the time. I also remember a young man that came by selling tamales when we still lived in an apartment. I miss that, especially since making tamales is a lot of work and neither Cimmy or I have felt up to it. (Yes, they never last long.)
That, of course, doesn’t make anything this guy did okay in the least bit. I’m shocked that someone selling door-to-door would dare to be so sickeningly predatory. I’m certain you did all the right things to protect yourself.
I have been stalked and harrassed, so, I have an inkling. It’s different when women do it to men, but, it’s still wrong.
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Yes, tamales are fantastic! I hope you’ll have an alternative way to get them that doesn’t involve a sweaty creepy guy :-S
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What can I say here? I mentioned at Laura’s that I sold paletas, same as jak did here. What jak didn’t tell you is that I was a young, white woman dressed modestly in loose jeans, a loose-fitting tee-shirt and sneakers and “guapa” can sometimes be taken to mean “sexy.” It creeped me out, the way they were looking at me and I had to see them every day because they were on my route. There were some women there, too, and they didn’t join in, but they didn’t try to stop them, either.
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It would be nice if NOBODY would treat ANYBODY like this. It’s not right and it’s not fair. It makes everybody unhappy. Seriously, though, the next mexicano who stares at me and says “Ay, guapa.” I’m going to smile cheerily and say “casada” which means married! Then again, considering all you went through, my next move may be running down the street in search of a police officer or putting my hands on the nearest telephone and dialling 911.
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And not jak either. Let’s not forget that some women treat men this way. It’s just as demeaning.
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Always trust your instincts, unless you can read minds.
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Scary situation, sorry about that incident, glad it did not turn too bad. It saddens me that some men are such %&*holes and it frightens me to not be able to protect my wife and daughter.
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uh… I like being treated like a slut… so…
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oh yeah
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Holy f*cking WOW. Sounds similar to my “almost” at the Glenwood Houses Community Center one evening when I was a teen. I spur-of-the-moment decided to join the evening crew to watch the Honeymooners in the TV room. One by one dudes slowly started to walk out. And not come back. I realized when there were 5 guys left in the room smirking at me that I was being set up. By dudes I KNEW. I ran out and locked myself in the bathroom. I made the Director walk me home… What is WITH some guys??
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I wish that they’d start Rape Prevention Classes by bringing every man in and saying “DON’T FUCKING RAPE! DON’T TREAT WOMEN LIKE SEX TOYS!” Class dismissed. Instead, they instruct girls on how to dress, and how to protect themselves, and advise them not to drink. Not all men are rapists, and not every woman is a victim.
I blame Twilight (opens can of worms)….
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Whilst unfortunately this sort of thing was around long beforehand Twilight certainly hasn’t helped matters. Reading those books I was horrified by the kind of relationship the main characters had, it was seriously wrong and kinda abusive and him climbing into her room and watching her sleep.. well to quote the character Dean from Supernatural, “what part of that is not rapey?!”
I was really angry at the relationship because I knew how popular these books were and therefore knew there were teens out there that were learning that the kind of relationship where your boyfriend’s sister keeps you locked in the family house for the weekend so you can’t see friends your bf doesn’t approve of is okay… NO, no it is not. Bad relationship, BAD! I have been wanting to write a post about these books for awhile, but as yet haven’t worked up the courage 🙂
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I think the tamale man was waiting/hoping/praying that you gave him a sign that his creepy inuendo questions were given on iota of acceptance by you. Passive aggressive, scary and invasive. I’m glad that car pulled into your parking lot before he misinterpreted your frightened kindness as one of the signs he was hoping for, Hasty.
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I’m so happy that you put this out there, because I can totally relate and I really empathize with you. Neat poem by the way!
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Reblogged this on ardentfangirl and commented:
Makes you think.
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SCARY! oh my gosh, I would’ve freaked out too! Awful. UGH. Guys can be so creepy. So so happy you got out of the situation safely. (damn, and tamales are so good!).
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Scary, scary, scary! I am so glad that this situation basically had the best best ending possible for you.
I am happy that you were able to write about it and get it off your chest at least I hope a little and it was very well written, but I am having a hard time clicking the word ‘Like’ to something as traumatic as this.
I am sorry about the pants, I bet you looked awesome in them too!
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